I need a “Cheers” theme song playing here..
Throughout the busy days at work and as I lay myself down to sleep I hear the chorus repeating softly in my mind….
”You want to be where you can see,
Our troubles are all the same;
You want to be where everybody knows your name. “
For as long as I can remember insecurity and self doubt have been my constant companions. I hear their unwelcome footsteps creeping behind me at the most inopportune moments. In the middle of conversation or on the way to meet up with friends, I hear them whisper in my ear. I see my failings and shortcomings amplified as never before and immediately feel out of place and awkward.
Expectations and responsibilities terrify me. No matter how many times I perform a task, I feel that I’m building myself up for a fall; for the unavoidable moment when I am expected to do it and fail. These doubts have been the building blocks of my personal and professional life and they are impossible to shake
I sit in rooms full of people and drift off into another world. I see groups of folks who seem to understand their place and are comfortable with it. People getting on with their lives and making sense of the madness; overcoming adversity
to make a new life and then left to confront the reality that is being me.
For a long time I’ve secretly hoped someone would appear out of nowhere with the answer. I am prone to wandering glances and hopeful looks, waiting for that person. As time goes by however, I have learned to live with the uncertainty. I am what I am and there is a certain amount of solace in continuing with the status quo.
So many unresolved questions remain. And here they shall play out….